Partner one fell out of love and no longer felt intimacy for a couple years. I want to hate him because I think hes a horrible human being as she is for having done this when he should have just left if he wasnt happy. I would guess there was something bad in your background that this triggers.like maybe a parent walking out or something? Do think this would be a right choice to make? I just couldnt go away your web site prior to suggesting that I extremely enjoyed the standard information a person provide for your guests? I gave her little i could unfortunately despite the fact that i vowed not to give her anymore. Were both 27 years old. And he said he didnt blame me if I never wanted to talk to him again. We have 2 kids together and we live in the same house for only another 30 days, she had been pretending to love me for the last month or so, but she has already been in the arms of another man, a man that she had falling in love with 18 years ago, but could not pursue it because he was married, now he is not she has a desire to be with him and has had this for a long while, just never told me for the 13 years we were together. How can I make him forgive me for what I did and how can I make him,fall for me again :( HELP ASAP ;(. reached a point that was the last straw and he was done. I cry every time I speak to him. That even though. His constantly talking down to me and throwing it my face his out partying talking to girls while Im sad cus I love him. Ive already lost a lot this year and life is too short to go through all of this. A year later, she accuses him of being the father of her 3 year old daughter, and I find out that they have been seeing each other for 2 weeks and that he may be the father. always remember, for those out there who are in relationships that are struggling, or are working things out, make sure before you say something, you think before you speak, install a filter between your lips and your tongue so to speak, because if you choose to say something hurtful, you can never take it back and the damage caused by what you assume is just a simple word is far more destructive and painful long term. I know if I asked hed do couples therapy. He wont believe me. First dates are different from the regular dates you go on with your significant other or people you have been going out with for a long time. Love can turn to hate in a matter of minutes. Once winter rolled around, a feeling of discontentment that I have felt before returned to me involving the satisfaction with my career as a musician and artist. And his reasons are quite vague, saying that he feels stuck and trapped and cant see any other way out but to separate. Then a long distance relationship for 6 months and more recently a 4 month relationship. Help me plzzzzz n I really need this man in my life as I havent seen a love of a father as he left me . sent pictures to each other we talked and chatted It just goes to show she never really cared like she said she did. I just dont know how to make him understand why I cant and wont be vulnerable until I see a change in him so I wont get hurt again. Not only that, we have two children together. Xx. He had an abusive disjointed childhood, witnessed domestic violence and was loved by only one parent. I know. It saddened me that I was so beaten down by his anger and I couldnt be supportive or help him. This last time was just 2 weeks ago and I called around to jails and hospitals just to see if he was ok since his phone was turned off. And then, for whatever reason, we seemed to go back to the normalcy of our relationship while still going to therapy. A few days prior to our meeting I emailed her a few things that were on my mind that I wanted her to think about and asked her to do the same. But now, your new gf is also insecure because of what happened to her in the past. I will only do so if he texts me first, and even then I keep my responses short and sweet. As time went on we started becoming emotionally abusive to each other, i.e. Heres the back story: She is 44 and came from a well off family. Hello Elena, I applause for what you done. Not because of him, his personality or anything. One. How can I forgive someone who isnt there and supporting you when your having a hard time grieving? Make some effort to plan things out . He was very upset and angry with me and he thought we were breaking up. Especially when its broken in half? And would he put that ring on your finger? But ill also feel guilty if I still cant fix whatever im feeling. I still told him. She ended up just blocking my number and refuses to speak to me at this point. I was in a very dark place about the pregnancy, but I also know that was only an excuse after a while. From this, respect and trust begin to grow. All good. Well then in June or July 2013 I went on his yahoo account and there were emails on there off of craigslist personals between him and other woman in 2012. She calls right after that meeting and says she wants to take me to Napa to be us again. For myself as well, but for her? About six months ago, we had a blow out because of what I perceived as a radical change in her behavior. The pain or hurt can only run as deep as the Love is. I would go to his moms house and it was like a shrine to the ex. My suspicions were confirmed when one of her friends told me they had been sleeping together all along. You have to live with all the bad habits and annoying behaviors that you might once upon a time have found endearing. I see you are in great pain. We have only been separated about 6 weeks (feels like an eternity) and she says dont have hope it will never happen I should move on. self wasnt with her, I felt bad for her cos im so Then he said he has matured and changed and wants something new thats not me. So therefore I feel this will never change. None of that is helping. but I cant let go of him cos i knew he is the one in my life. He will be needy and insecure and maybe sweet. But you would like to change him. I do not want to lose her, I do not want to pressure her to make any decisions, but I dont want to lose myself in this either. Itll take a lot of work to repair the damage and build trust back to almost where it was. I told him of all the things he used to do that made me unhappy (though I was happy sometimes, just not for long periods) then ended with the discoveries I made..He was pis. My wife and I had set goals in place. To top it off I met his mom and she doesnt like me. 7. What can I do, how can he find a way to clear the emotional block he has inside his heart towards me? Should I agree to the separation? Anyways since she gave birth she barely called in February. Any suggestions or ideas or advice is greatly appreciated. I think if I was able to open my heart again to him, our marriage could thrive, because he is already in that place. please give me some ideas i am lost dont know what to do thank you again for answer my desperate email good bless you !you are given me hope thanks again. I finally left the relationship and she is still hanging on and has shown that she is trying to make changesI think it is now on me I am not sure if I am ready to move past it or maybe it is too late for me? What can I do, or do I do anything at all yet and just give him time to process it all? She is being really adamant about not forgiving herself. You see, he is blocked from his feelings because that is his SAFETY zone. Hes doing things for me that hes never done. Any advice on how to move things forward or to get her to open up would be really appreciated! Shes very ungrateful in our last meetings. I would never never hit anyone or had cheated but all this had made her feel scared of me. Then i started to fall.We had our fights and she wanted to leave me at least 4 different times. He ended up hooking up with another girl twice. My best friend fell in love with me 2 years ago and I could not say yes then since I was moving on from another guy. You dont know who he REALLY is; you dont know what it would be like to live with him. She said she cried most of the day before saying I cant believe we at this point. that she got drunk and tried taking off her clothes. I asked for a sit down with her to discuss our problems. He was very light-hearted around her at each meeting & I could see his colour rise & the change in his voice & body language towards her whenever we visited. I dont know why she didnt jump at the opportunity for divorce when I put it on the table. She is the one doing all that. Your girlfriends friend is not the right person. I did not have a choice in the matter. I dont want to lose my wife or my son to lose his mother. i am currently working on myself and stripping all the negative behaviors from my soul to avoid reoffending. But after that he said he wanted to be alone again. Every other fight we have, he breaks up with me, annoying, and he calls me names that are really hurtful. we have come to an ugly in pass where my depression and his drinking was out of control and hurting our family. He had a rough upbringing and there was no solid male figure in his life to teach him how to really love. He told me the next day that he almost walked out. But there has been a lot of good too. I dont know what to do. He said she listens to him when he talks. In a messy breakup, it's not uncommon for a person to say things they don't mean, to become incredibly hostile, and to . Now my ex partner should I say has been in previous physical absive relationships. Depression I put her threw. He has started to see a psychologist, and I have also met with the psychologist. He dun have a good marriage and thus treat me very good and lovingly.All these years with him, I always remind myself he is a married man and I cant get myself into this rs( relationship) . Why not send her to see this post and the divorce post? Keep things fresh and exciting by having a theme for your first date. So what does your therapist think? But not even giving it a go is just ridiculous! He denied her for a very long time and we got into a big fight. I went home with someone for a one night stand. Now, after apologies and finally making a date to meet (we havent met yet by the way but I feel she is someone I always have wanted) and trying everything to make it right she CONTINUES TO SAY I DONT GET IT. Hes everything i could have ever asked for. I been down this road before with my first marriage. One thing I do know, I will never allow myself to love again. I dont want to ever hurt him again, but at this point, I feel like hes punishing me. Its urgent. convince herplease doctor deb what can I do, am She does not want to fix it. I would give anything to go back to earlier this year and try again with his honesty. I guess this is a good forum to atleast share and talk of what I am going though. Its all so complicated as the other guy had told his wife also that hes had enough and thinking of seperating. I know that it was not the way to handle it but I didnt know what else to do. I take full responsibility for my actions and am deeply sorry and I will truly do anything to have a second chance with her. A friend Id told about the situation advised me to block him completely on all platforms. 1. We were in the same house together for most of this time and slowly it turned into taking a break rather than breaking up. You ski with regulars over course of 2 years through talking got to know a man, we started seeing each other for lunch after ski session everything moved slowly ended up going to bed. I wish it were easier than that. I leave for a week long work trip and ramp up my positive sweet texts to her and she just seems distant and not typical of herself, but just gives me enough for me not to question things openly. Although your post is long, I feel like there is stuff missing from it. I was naive in thinking that not reaching my goals wouldnt hurt anyone. There was no romance, no love, no plan to leave. Namely the way he makes me feel; past abuse, disappointments and dishonesty. I still cry from time to time over the pain he has caused and I know he feels awful about it. what we can do together to connect emotional again, what we need to change or what i need to do to save my married ,And make him feel in love again with me, thank you iam in a lot pain and emotional am devastered . But he told her before I had the chance too. My boyfriend and I were dating for going on 11 years. Over the course of our relationship we will talk about our future plans and how we see ourselves ending up together. He has walked away from all of them. Four months after his incident, and we are now trying to forgive each other and start a fresh relationship but I still carry resentment. I will spend my life missing him and in regret. Your husband needs help. He would be the LAST person you would think. So if a person has been drinking and certainly using drugs, it means they, too, have been hurt in some way. nobody. How do we both go about getting trust back? Hi Clara I believe he was married to his expo for about six years. And you werent aware of the other side of the problem either you may have hurt a truly good and innocent person; you just really dont know. But he meant what he was saying and weve been back together for about 5 months and ive had some uneasy feelings. I came home from work and told my wife that was it. I have just been dumped by my soulmate. Not a lot of time seeing each other. I cut off the other person before my wife learned about the situation because I had learned that I already had everything at home I could want. [] her engagement ring. I still feel betrayed at the most basic level of the one person I trusted most in this world. So we stayed together again, and talked about counseling but we never went through on the idea. Dr Deb I feel like running away. I never felt anything like it. But there's a fine line between "want" and "need," and when the "need" outweighs the "want," you have a . For a few days he texted or called saying he wanted to chill. That said, the fact that the two of you were loyal to one another until you broke up with him shows some maturity. was he trying to impress you? I just found this website searching for links to help save my marriage. She says shes numb? The plan was for it to be a purely physical thing with no emotion. My husband and I married very young, he was immature and after the birth of my son I was still over weight and exhausted and didnt take care of myself. I can see in his heart he wants to try because every now and then he will go back to the way he was in the beginning and do nice things for me just because, but then he says he thinks about everything all over again and gets angry again and hesitates. What you did for 12 years abuse your wife verbally and emotionally it is good that you are now honest about it but the most important thing you can do for yourself, her, and your children is get therapy to make the changes you need. About six months of this go by I eventually had to end things with her. One of those day in October lady yr, the contractor who supposedly fixing the place came with her to my house to pick me up for shopping more did for her place. I dont know when I will get to my/our first counseling session but just feel that doing nothing is the wrong thing to do, but doing something will end up not being right. I dont know how to prove him that I wont be like this anymore. distance relationship so she felt lonely, my physical But he wouldnt give any terms or promises for the future. For sure though, do not start a new relationship when youre in an old one. what we can do together to connect emotional again, what we need to change .Or what i need to do to save my married !,And make him feel in love again with me, thank you iam in a lot pain emotional am devastated . What you need to substitute is: Ive made a lot of mistakes. Period. Long story short my husband suffered from sever depression and I stuck with him thru thick and thin. If you go do something I dont suggest, I understand. He didnt even introduce me to the girl as his girlfriend. 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